the bartender asks, "what can i get you?"
"anything, as long as it's not canadian club on the rocks."
also:
(best if told in person/read aloud)
two whales go up to the bartender.
the bartender asks them what they want.
the first whale says, "WOOOOOOO. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WEEEEEEEEEEOOOOO. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
the second whale says, "shut up, frank, you're drunk."
(you can drag out the first whale's part as lonnnnnng as you'd like)
and also:
a pirate walks into a bar, pulls up a stool and orders a drink.
the bartender notices he has a ship's wheel shoved down the front of his pants. he pours him a drink and asks why he has a steering wheel down his pants.
the pirate looks down and says, "AARRRR! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!"
and also:
A grizzly bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... a gin & tonic please".
The barman says "Why the big paws?"
...AND also:
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse replies "because I'm and alcoholic and it's destroying my family"
and a little help.
